Odds, Ends and Outtakes
by Umei no Mai
Summary: A variety of scenes that may or may not be part of my APitG 'verse, although most will probably be inspired by it. **Latest chapter: Kyuubi's point of view on the Sage of Six paths and his many, many offspring. What, you didn't really think he only had two kids, did you?**
1. Introducing Sai

This is a fragment set after the time-skip in a possible future of my main story, 'Another Player in the Game. It just begged to be written, so behold! Yamato and Sai meet Naruto!

**Meeting Sai**

Sakura leant against a tree in training ground seven, staring idly at the sky. While she understood perfectly well why Sasuke would not be rejoining team seven in the field any time soon -if ever- she did not get why Kakashi-sensei had been removed from the team. True, Amemai-san had recently given birth again, but that had not been an issue three years ago when she'd had the triplets. Not to mention that the journin replacing the copy-nin was... strange. Not to mention the fact that in the last three years working in the hospital and around the village she had never even seen the man before.

The kunoichi turned her gaze away from the azure curve overhead and turned to look at Naruto, who was absent-mindedly juggling a kunai in one hand. The blond had changed a lot while he was away. For one thing, he was a whole lot taller. His once short hair now hung over his hitai-ite and face in long spikes at the front and was tied in a high, shoulder length ponytail at the back. He wore loose white hakama tucked into ankle boots and a long sleeved kimono decorated in rusty orange and lime green at the shoulders and cuffs -orange on the right sleeve and green on the left- with the Uzumaki spiral and the odd, geometric mon Amemai used picked out in white here and there on the coloured areas. Naruto also wore an uwa-obi patterned and dyed mimicking a stormy sea around his waist with a daishou hanging off it at the back, making him look strangely samurai-like. The total absence of visible weapons gave him the appearance of a lord in the gardens of his home, armed as honour required but otherwise unprepared for battle.

Sakura knew very well that an apparently unarmed Naruto was in many ways more dangerous than a visibly prepared one; his outfit, just like her own, was designed to lure the opponent into a false sense of security. She had no idea how he managed those huge, loose and impractical sleeves or where he had stashed his kunai and shuriken, but she wasn't going to ask. Naruto-humour was traumatic enough for a third party, let alone an unwitting participant.

She had to wonder about him though; she'd heard some very disconcerting accounts of things he'd done while he was away and nothing he'd said or done since returning had dispelled her uneasy suspicions.

"Naruto, Sakura," their new sensei, Yamato, said as he entered the training ground with a pale, dark haired boy their age at his heels, "this is your new team-mate, Sai. He's a former Yuurei, so be aware that he is unaccustomed to a normal team environment."

"Hello," The newly introduced Sai said blandly. "My name is Sai and I like painting. I hope we can get along."

"That's a fake smile," Naruto said cooly, narrowing his eyes ever so slightly at the other boy. "It isn't even a good fake smile. Either get better at faking or learn how to smile sincerely."

Sai stared blankly at the taller blond. "I was trying to be properly sociable, dickless."

Sakura drew in a breath with a hiss; this was going to be bad. Everything she'd heard indicated that Naruto's no-holds-barred sense of humour had only become more bizarre in his time away from Konoha, merging into his frankly disturbing tendency to see gender as optional.

She did not have to hold her breath for very long.

"Sai-kuun!" A suddenly extremely curvy and _female_ Naruto gushed, eyelashes fluttering and hands clasped against her heart, "I'm so _flattered!_ You're such a _sweetheart!_" The well-endowed blond lunged forward with journin-level speed, trapping the wide-eyes Sai in a hug that smooshed him against her breasts. "We are going to get along _wonderfully,_ I can just see it." The blonde nuzzled his hear, smiling alluringly while her eyes held a hard, predatory gleam.

There was a long moment of total silence as both the new additions to team seven froze, brains unable to take in the magnificent insanity that was Uzumaki Naruto.

"Get off me," Sai eventually managed, fake smile wiped away as his true, icy personality surfaced.

"But, but Sai-kun! I thought you wanted to be _friends!_"

Sai glanced at Yamato, who was clearly still in shock, then at Sakura: "Is this normal behavior?"

"Only for Naruto. My one consolation is that he doesn't wear green spandex," Sakura sighed. "Naruto, let Sai go, please."

The busty blond turned to the pinkette with puppy dog eyes and a pout. "But Sakura-chan! He all but _begged_ for it! You heard what he called me."

"This is a reaction to 'dickless'?"

The blond smiled sweetly. "If he calls me a girl, then a girl I will be."

Sakura groaned. "Sai, unless you want Naruto to spent every single second of our team time as a clingy female you'll have to apologise." She had had a great many encounters with the Yuurei over the past few years and knew exactly how socially inept most of them were.

Sai narrowed his eyes at the blonde hanging all over him. "Naruto, I will never call you dickless ever again. Now let go of me, whore."

Naruto bounced swifly out of reach, twirling merrily. "Oh, whore am I?" He asked, amused, shifting back into male form halfway through the query. "I'm a _ninja_, Sai-kun. I do all kinds of _interesting_ things for money. Want to explore my qualifications?"

"Man-whore," Sai said flatly.

"Cold fish," Naruto retaliated, not offended in the slightest.

Sakura groaned. _This is going to be a nightmare._

_

* * *

_A/N: MWAHAHAHAHA! Naruko-chan breaks brains!_  
_


	2. Ox, Cat and Fox

Bad Habits asked for a scene in the Game 'verse where Kiraa Bii met a gender-bending Naruto (and was traumatised). Here it is, folks!

**Ox, Cat and Fox**

Nii-Yugito watched with wary eyes as a moderately tall blond in an extravagant floor length kimono sipped sake whilst leaning against the bar of the popular eatery she was currently patronising. The bijuu sealed within her –the Nibi no Nekomata- insisted that the boy was dangerous at a level only her mentor Kiraa Bii had achieved up until now.

He certainly didn't look it. The long bangs, messy ponytail, cute whisker-marks and impractically effeminate style of dress gave the impression of a minor lordling of the daimyo's court rather than a powerful ninja and fellow jinchuuriki. _At least six tails, probably more,_ she gauged from the quiet depth of his aura. _Not someone to cross._

The strength of his poorly suppressed aura was what had drawn her here in the first place: She'd jogged two miles through various training grounds and village streets to find this particular establishment, following the prickling sensation of familiarity that came from the unique chakra exuded by a jinchuuriki.

_And if I, with a mere two tails at my disposal, found him, then-_

"Yo, Nine-o! How's life treantin' yo?"

Yugito winced as the unknown demon container started at Kira Bii's loud and poorly rapped intrusion. Sake slopped from the disk balanced in the blond's hand onto the beautiful kimono. The stranger took an exaggerated glance down at the sake stain, then raised his head towards the jinchuuriki of the Hachibi no Ushioni, large blue eyes narrowing ever so slightly. Then the unknown jinchuuriki flexed his chakra.

The air temperature in the bar area dropped ten degrees instantly; all the non-ninja patrons immediately abandoned their tables and rushed for the exits. The chunnin in the building left at a more sedate pace, leaving only half-a-dozen journin to watch the imminent confrontation.

"This kimono was a birthday gift," the foreign blond said softly, voice level and surprisingly carrying, "and you made me spill sake on it. I've never worn it before."

"Mr. Nine, you look just fine!" Bii rapped with a grin, clearly oblivious to the oppressive atmosphere.

_Nine? The Kyuubi no Yoko? Shit, shit, shit! We're all dead if he takes offense; hell, the whole block will be blasted clean and the rest of the village reduced to rubble!_ Yugito had heard about what the nine-tails had done to Konohagakure, and that had just been the freed bijuu on a mindless rampage. _What kind of damage could be done by someone wielding that kind of power in a focused and rational manner?_

Yugito felt her captive bijuu become increasingly agitated as the blond container of the most powerful tailed beast in existence bared his teeth in a disturbingly fox-like smirk.

"Oh I look _fine_, do I?"

* * *

Kiraa Ee, Yondaime raikage, had seen a lot of strange things in his life. Having a younger brother who was the container of the eight-tailed ox and _never stopped rapping_ had also helped inure him to life's varied surprises.

Having said brother dash into his office as if pursued by the hounds of hell and cower behind the chair he was sitting in was however a new and disturbing experience.

"Bii, what on earth-"

"Bro, please help! Nine-o's a creep! Save me from the freak!" The dark skinned, six-and-a-half-feet tall, white dreadlocked and heavily muscled man begged, clearly and incongruously in earnest. Considering that Ee and Bii were exactly the same height and build and that Bii had a bijuu sealed in him, the plea for protection indicated some threat on the level of a national emergency.

"Why so mean, Bii-san?"

The raikage turned his head in time to see a tall blond woman with respectable curves and whisker-marked cheeks wearing a magnificent floor length kimono glide into his office. The aura of controlled power she exuded put Ee on edge; not even his otouto was that strong. _Bii mentioned a 'Nine-o'. He calls Nii Yugito 'Two-o'; could this be the Kyuubi jinchuuriki and if so how has my idiot brother managed to offend her?_

What is your business in Kumogakure, ma'am?" he asked. Manners never hurt anyone after all and there was always the possibility that she was here on some legitimate excursion.

"I'm officially on detached diplomatic duties on behalf of my village and have been for the past two years," the blonde said evenly, voice low and slightly husky. "I was having a quiet drink and minding my own business between scheduled meetings when your delinquent younger brother ambushed me. My brand new birthday kimono now has a sake stain on it," she coolly stalked forward towards Ee's desk, "and he has yet to offer any form of compensation."

She moved –and sounded- like a seduction agent, but radiated irritation and raw chakra like a powerhouse. _And Bii has antagonised her. Wonderful._

Kiraa Bii, Kumo journin and jinchuuriki of the Hachibi, whimpered very quietly as he cowered behind his older brother.

"I'm sure we can come to some kind of agreement; you look like a reasonable kunoichi," the raikage said in as conciliatory a fashion as he could muster. He was sincere in his belief of his guest's level-headedness: Bii could drive anyone up the wall, but there had been no explosions or chakra surges as yet and his otouto wasn't even bleeding. She had shown remarkable restraint, really.

"That's no kunoichi, bro: the nine-tails host is male you know!" Bii whispered loudly.

Kiraa Ee blinked, not taking his eyes off the irrefutably female form of the ninja who was now transfixing the unfortunate Bii with the patented Glare Of Doom(tm) available only to the fairer sex.

"She looks female to me, Bii." Not to mention that her chakra _felt_ female.

"Your otouto is partially correct, raikage-sama," the blonde said, blue eyes boring into the cringing Bii, "in that I was male when he first encountered me. In fact I was even born male; At this moment, however, I am fully and irrefutably female."

"Some kind of advanced henge?" Ee guessed. It didn't sound like a genjutsu, but he'd never heard of a gender switching ninjutsu before. _It would have to be an S-class ijutsu..._

"Iie. I am the jinchuuriki of the Kyuubi no Yoko and foxes are infamous for their shapeshifting abilities."

Ee's eyes widened. "You can physically change your gender?"

She smiled, the expression almost innocent as she met the raikage's eyes for the first time. "Aa. However if we return to the subject of the original conversation, I believe your otouto still owes me an apology for startling me with his obnoxious taste in music while I was sipping sake. Not civilised in the slightest," the gender bending shinobi added sweetly, tone and serene facial expression at violent odds with the KI she was now radiating.

Kiraa Ee had never seen his brother so intimidated. It was so funny it was disconcerting, especially since she looked to be a good foot shorter than the Hachibi jinchuuriki, not to mention at least a decade younger and barely half his weight.

"Well, Bii?"

"I'm proper sorry, Fox-lady. Make it up to you, maybe?" Bii managed hoarsely from his hiding place behind the raikage's chair. Ee wished he could see his brother's face.

"My name is Uzumaki Naruto, not 'Fox-lady', and I hail from Hi no kuni," the blonde said calmly, "and your apology is accepted provided I get a date."

"Date?" Bii squeaked, too shocked to rap.

"Didn't you say you were really male?" the raikage heard himself ask. No-one of either gender had ever asked his rap-obsessed otouto out on a date before, that he knew of anyway.

"I have no sexual preferences whatsoever;" the blonde replied airily, eyeing her fingernails and peeking up at the jinchuuriki of the eight-tails through her eyelashes. "I enjoy the company of either gender in both forms."

"I, ano, ah," Bii stammered, visibly discomforted and tongue-tied for the first time in decades. Ee briefly wished he had a camera on hand to document the occasion. _At least my guards are able to appreciate it._

Naruto folded her arms under her amble bosom and pouted fetchingly. "Don't you like me?" she asked, eyes wide and limpid. Ee managed to keep his rising amusement at her skillful if blatant manipulation firmly suppressed.

"You make a foxy lady, Nine, but Mr. Eight ain't the dating kind," the dark skinned jinchuuriki managed to spit out.

"Does that mean you're offering to replace my kimono?" the whiskered blonde inquired. "It was specially made and rather expensive."

Bii brightened a little, sensing a viable escape route. "Can be done, whiskered one!"

The toothy smirk that flashed across the face of the Kyuubi jinchuuriki gave Kiraa Ee the distinct impression that his baby brother had just been played. She was beside Bii in an instant, dragging him out of the office by the arm.

"No dawdling now Mr. Eight; We have a shopping date!"

Bii managed one final, panicked, look back at his elder brother before being yanked out of sight and down the stairs. Ee sat very still as his otouto's frantic and incoherent protests died away into the distance, contemplating the sheer insanity of the conversation he had just participated in. After a minute or so he articulated aloud his conclusion for the benefit of the hidden ANBU who had been witness to the surreal interaction:

"Having met the Kyuubi jinchuuriki, I feel that my otouto is not all that disturbing after all. It could be worse."

The raikage had the distinct impression that his guards agreed with him.

* * *

A/N: Thankyou to all my readers for their patience: my computer is suffering from hardware problems and is in the process of being completely recreated. I'm working from a laptop at the moment, but progress is a little erratic. Rest assured that this is NOT a hiatus, just a slight setback. I have plently of story in the works.

08/03/11: Updated to correct a few minor spelling mistakes. Once again, thanks to my half-dozen or so regular reviewers. Your encoragement keeps me writing!


	3. Foxes and Bargains

This is set towards the end of the time skip, when Naruto finds himself having to uphold his bargain with the Kyuubi. I will _not_ be covering the time skip in my story, but there may well be more one-shots; not in any kind of order, of course.

**Foxes and Bargains**

Sabaku no Gaara, Godaime kazekage, was a highly solitary person. A good part of this was due to his status of the jinchuuriki of the Ichibi: the constant assassination attempts since early childhood and a total dearth of friendly faces had shaped and affectionate if shy toddler into a stony faced teen. Gaara did however have one person whom he considered a true friend: Uzumaki Naruto.

Said friend was currently perched on the windowsill of his office, shuffling nervously.

"Let me get this straight," Gaara said slowly. "Your 'contract' with the Kyuubi -which you are obliged to honour if you want to be able to use its chakra without dying- requires you to have children?"

"Requires me to conceive in female form, carry to term and give birth to a litter of children with a lineage of Yoko's choosing," Naruto corrected quietly, one hand fiddling with his spiky ponytail. "You happen to be part of said lineage."

"The nine-tailed demon fox, mightiest of the bijuu" -_shut up, Shukaku-_ "want's me to father its... kits?"

"In part. You are one of the four people he wants genetic material from."

Gaara considered it. Being both the kazekage and a jinchuuriki made it highly unlikely that he would find someone who actually wanted to spend the rest of their life with him, let alone breed. Naruto, however, was so loyal to his comrades it was ridiculous.

"Would I be allowed to visit them?"

Naruto looked shocked. "Of course! They'll be as much yours as mine and Yoko's, and children need to know who their parents are, where they come from." That was a sore spot for Naruto, Gaara realised. The Sandaime had always known exactly who the blond's parents were and never told him. Even after the old man's death Naruto still held a bit of a grudge.

"Then I agree," Gaara said stoically. "Come."

The redhead led his blond friend to the little used official bedroom of the kazekage's private suite. Gaara was still a chronic insomniac, preferring what little time he did manage to rest peacefully in the house he shared with his elder siblings. This was the first time he had ever entered the bedroom with the intention of actually using the bed; mainly he just retrieved clothing from the massive wardrobe. He stared at the gauze-canopied four-poster with a vague feeling of trepidation.

"Gaara-kun?" a now female Naruto addressed him gently, chin dipped and hands clasped demurely, "have you ever done this before?"

"Iie, I have not." The only woman willing to so much as touch him in passing was his big sister Temari, and even that was limited to brief hugs and the occasional ruffling of his hair. The only male to lay hands on him outside of a fight or dire emergencies was Naruto; not even Kankurou, his own brother, dared so much as touch his shoulder on a normal day.

"Don't worry about it," his whisker-marked friend said softly, moving forward to hug him tenderly. "I know how this goes. Just let me know if I make you uncomfortable, ne?"

"Very well."

Naruto removed all of her clothing -Gaara was fairly accustomed to the blond's utter indifference to his or her own gender- followed by the redhead's own, then poked the sand armour that shielded the kazekage from all outside contact. "Tanuki-san controls this, doesn't it?"

"Aa."

"Ichibi no Tanuki, oft named Shukaku for the priest who once possessed you," Naruto said calmly, faint starlight gleaming on her smooth skin, "on my honour and that of my tenant I swear I will neither through action of inaction allow your Sacrifice to come to harm this night."

There was a pause like the world hodling it's breath, then Gaara's armour cracked and fell off his body in pieces, reverting to fine sand as it hit the floor. The redhead allowed himself to be manoeuvred onto the bed, strange, alien feelings swirling in his gut. Naruto was his best friend, a fellow jinchuuriki -the only one he really got on with- and the one person he trusted above all others. However he usually thought of Naruto as male regardless of form, and had never considered the gender-bending blond as a possible sexual partner before. That Naruto clearly considered him/herself as much female as male helped, but the prospect was still... confusing.

But not unwelcome.

Then Naruto ran her fingers along the inside of his arm and the intense sensation drove all rational thought out of his head.

* * *

Gaara woke and blinked in the pre-dawn twilight. Two hours' sleep was not very much, but by the kazekage's standards it was positively decadent. _So that is what the fuss is about; it was certainly enjoyable._ Seeing Naruto so completely vulnerable had silenced a doubt he hadn't even known he had, a deeply buried disbelief in Naruto's trust in him. Part of their friendship was founded in the fact that Naruto would always be able to beat Gaara in a fight; the redhead could not really damage the blond. Now Gaara knew he was trusted enough for Naruto to lower his defences so far that the blond could die if the redhead so chose. It was a heady thing, that trust. Of course, the previous night had raised brand-new questions as well.

"Uzumaki?"

"Hm?" The nude and still female blonde opened sky blue eyes and blinked blearily. "Whazzit?"

"When and where did you learn to have sex in your female form?"

Naruto stretched, back arching like a cat and forcibly reminding Gaara of part of the previous evening's.. activities. "I've known how and why women enjoy the bedroom arts for a _lot_ longer than I've understood what men get out of it."

Gaara had received notice of Naruto having a fling with a Kumo kunoichi about four months previously. The 'a lot' indicated a few years' worth of experience at least. "Before you left Konoha?"

Naruto just smiled, eyes downcast, facial expression demure and body language slyly smug.

_That's a yes, then._ "Why?"

The blonde shrugged. "It's probably the kitsune in me. I'm sure you're familiar with the fox-wife stories. Fun is fun, bedroom fun most of all, and girls mature faster than boys."

Gaara let the non-answer slide. If Naruto didn't want to tell then he wouldn't push. There was one question he definitely wanted an answer to, though:

"Why me, Naruto?"

Naruto smiled sheepishly, rubbing the back of her head. "Well, Yoko wanted his offspring to look like proper fox kits. That meant they needed suitable colouring as well as the proper temperament. For foxes, 'proper' colours are white, gold, orange, red and black. White and gold were out because they're heavenly colours and Yoko's a demon fox, orange looks silly on humans -his words not mine- and black is for pretentious Uchihas, apparently. That left red and, well, you're the only redhead who made both Yoko's list of 'people to donate genetic material to my kits' and my list of 'people I'm prepared to have sex with'."

Gaara blinked.

"Look, the alternatives were Akasuna no Sasori, whose nuttier than you'll ever be, new body or not, Roushi, who's the jinchuuriki of the Yonbi, really old and Yoko hates 'cause of who he contains -Yonbi's an ape and Yoko calls him 'that blasted shit-slinger'- and Nagato-san the Amekage, who is even further off his rocker than Sasori and has the rinnegan, which Yoko disapproves of on principle. Something about arrogant, idiotic and snooty dragons. Anyway, Yoko admires how well-grounded you've managed to keep yourself despite circumstances and is prepared to overlook the fact you're host to the one-tails on the basis that you would be a worthy host for even 'the great and terrible Kyuubi-sama' and that tanuki's are nevertheless minor shapeshifters, which put you on a list of one. I suspect he would have wanted you for those reasons even if you'd been blonde like your sister, which considering Old Foxy's opinion of blonds says a lot."

"The Kyuubi dislikes blonds?" Gaara was curious as to the bijuu's reasoning, considering gold had been on the list of acceptable colours.

Naruto nodded. "Yep. Insists we're all morons, me and Dad being exhibits A and B proving his theory. 'Stupidly noble' and 'ridiculously self-sacrificing' were also listed as major faults, as was being 'too nosy for your own good' which he claims covers the entire Yamanaka clan."

Gaara's lips twitched. "Who am I to argue with the mightiest of the bijuu?"

"Gah! Meanie!" Naruto shrieked, attacking the redhead with a pillow. A futile attempt, as the sand rose from the bedroom floor in a wave to block the padded projectile.

"Who else in on the final list?"

Naruto pouted. "How is it your business?"

"I wish to know the identities of the co-parents of my future offspring."

The blonde morphed smoothly into his almost-but-not-quite-male form, letting the sheets pool around his/her waist. The difference between this and Naruto's original form was minimal: slightly softer lines in the face, narrower shoulders and curvier hips. The blond looked mostly male, just very, very girly. "Fine," he huffed. "It isn't like you know any of them; they're both older than us. Much older."

"Oh?"

"There's me and you; that's two. Three is a Konoha chunnin who was an examiner in the first test when we took the chunnin exam together. Yoko wants him for his adaptability, which is a fundamental fox trait, and his chakra-sensing abilities. The fourth was a former Kiri jounin I've already visited who was -before I killed him for the bounty- the last remaining carrier of a doujutsu."

"Bloodline theft, Uzumaki?"

Naruto made a face. "It's not like he could ever have settled down with that price on his head. Besides, kitsune are thieves; we can't help it. Unlike humans however we only steal for two reasons. Firstly to survive like any other animal, secondly because above all else we treasure what is beautiful. Yoko thinks this particular bloodline is the most gorgeous thing ever and will look stunning on his precious kits-to-be, so of course he just _had_ to have it."

"What does it do?"

"Allows the barer to see people from long distances away, perceive instantly whether a person is alive or dead and -when added to jutsus- create illusions not even the sharingan and byakugan can pierce. He called the 'fox eye' but the Kiri nukenin called it seimeigan."

"Life eye. Hm." Gaara raised an eyebrow. Interesting."

"Isn't it. Feel like visiting me in Konoha in half a year?"

"Why?"

Naruto rolled his eyes. "Yoko intends to fast-forward the pregnancy. I'll be giving birth in less than six months from now."

"I was told you were expected back in Konoha in seven months' time, not six."

Naruto's face turned serious. "The bargain is a secret, Gaara. Tell no-one. I'll be going home to Ame-kaa-san for the birth then sneaking out of the village and returning in my original form through the front gate. The kits _must_ be protected. They'll be listed as my offspring in the private clan records, but until they enter the academy I want them to blend in with kaa-san's ever-expanding brood."

"I understand." Gaara really did: Naruto was and up-and-coming A-class ninja, rapidly approaching S-class with a growing list of enemies to match and a truly _unique_ bingo book profile. All of those enemies would love to get their hands on his children. Yogensha Hatake Ame on the other hand was not someone to cross even if you were an S-class shinobi. _God-class_, Gaara had heard people whisper. The bingo book had her listed as 'triple-S: do not approach' which was a first ever, above even the Yondaime hokage who had been 'double-S: flee on sight'.

"I will visit once news of your return to Konoha reaches me," the redhead agreed. "Good luck with your duty and your quest."

Naruto smiled. "I'll hold you to that. And thankyou."

* * *

Gaara is perhaps the most stoic character in the entire Naruto-verse; Sai is merely repressed in comparison. I hope I've portrayed him realistically, but this is something I think he would do, given the opportunity. Of course there is more of Naruto being himself and a bit more insight into Yoko's reasoning process. And, naturally, some hints at how the plot is going to go in my main story. Possibly.


	4. History with Kyuubi: First Lesson

**History with Kyuubi: First Lesson  
**

"**Sit down and shut up, kit,"** the massive, nine-tailed fox said gruffly as the slightly short blond boy in grey kimono and hakama appeared within the mindscape in front of the demon fox's prison. **"Today's lesson is a history, so I will be telling you about how the w****orld was changed, when the current nations were formed,****how it is humans have chakra and where bloodlines and other jutsu talents come from. No interruptions and maybe I'll answer some questions at the end. Got it?"**

"Hai, Yoko-sensei," the blond bratling piped. The giant red fox sighed, settling himself down to sprawl across the floor of his cell:

"**Attend to the tale of the breaking of the world and how humanity was changed forever..."**

* * *

Once upon a time, so long ago humans no longer remember it, demons walked the earth. They were not chakra constructs, but physical beings that were born, lived, ate, slept, laughed, cried, loved, bred and died just like humans did, although they were far stronger than mere mortals and their lifespans were immeasurably longer. In those days demons were more numerous than humans and both species lived in peace, for there was enough land for both.

Time passed and humans became more numerous. Their physical weakness spurred on their inventiveness, which swiftly surpassed anything the youkai had ever achieved. As human populations spread, they clashed more and more often with demons. Those youkai that preyed on humanity were targeted and killed, and many weaker breeds disappeared completely. In time only the powerful, the daiyoukai and their courts, remained living openly among humans. The weaker breeds went into hiding among the lesser beasts and those capable of hiding their youkai blood did so, pretending to be human and living among mortals.

As youkai of all breeds now lived side by side with humanity, whether or not the humans were aware of it, some demons began to breed with mortals. Some did so carelessly in the pursuit of pleasure while others fell in love and knowingly created half-breed children. Regardless of motives, the hanyou, half-demons, came into being. They had been present here and there for a long time, but as humanity spread further across the lands they became more common.

Initially half-breeds were shunned as monsters by humans and reviled for being weak by other demons, but as more and more youkai went into hiding, concealing their true natures, so more hanyou were born, some of which were never even aware of their heritage.

A hanyou will never be as strong as their youkai parent, but if that parent is powerful they may be stronger than other, lesser youkai. The problem arises when a daiyoukai breeds with a mortal, as the incredible power of their blood is too much for the hanyou's mortal side to bear, making the half-breed prone to berserker rages. It is these hanyou that are the reason half-bloods are reviled and feared: their demonic half is too much for their human half to buffer or hide. Half-daiyoukai also have highly distinctive features which link them to their demon heritage, proof of the power of their blood.

Nonetheless, these drawbacks did not prevent the mingling of human and demon, nor did it prevent the offspring from further breeding with humans and diluting their heritage. Later generations had only a hint of demonic heritage, which they in their ignorance mingled with families descended from different demons, resulting in a chimerical mix of inherited demonic traits.

But I digress.

As humanity spread even further many youkai, especially daiyoukai, chose to return to Makai, the demon realm. Makai is far less bountiful and safe a place to live than earth, but it was away from humans and the disgusting pollutants mortals were fouling the air and water with. A few powerful youkai who were earth born chose instead to go into hiding and wait for humanity to destroy itself. These fell into sleeping in the remotest places on the planet, safe from mortal intervention. More than half of the averagely powerful also left, but those with mortal family remained, as did those who hid amongst the beasts, being by now little more intelligent than the animals they mimicked.

Then came the change.

One day the humans did something –what exactly no-one really knows- and all the pure-blooded youkai living on earth died in an instant, their energy released explosively into the environment. For the lesser youkai this was not a severe problem, only infusing the land and creatures around them with small amounts of youki, but the deaths of the remaining daiyoukai caused massive explosions which changed the shape of the continents and released mutagenic energies that poisoned all it touched and utterly changed those unfortunate enough to survive.

Those of middling power also died, exploding in their homes, places of work and centres of recreation, killing thousands of humans and releasing even more youki into the atmosphere. This event became known as 'The Cataclysm', as within a year half the planet's population was dead and within a decade only a quarter of that half still survived.

In a newly youki-rich world, only those with demonic heritage survived. A trace was enough; the very earth had been mutated, spawning plants and animals born of hybrid natural and demonic energies, and even a hint of that shared heritage was enough to keep a person alive. Communities shrank and humans huddled together to survive, regressing back to hunting and gathering from the wild.

As humanity struggled to stay alive, the youki released by the deaths of millions of youkai of all species, types and power levels slowly melded together in the upper atmosphere, animated only by shared instincts and faint memories. The truly weak had been returned to the earth, but the memories and power of the strong coalesced a century after the cataclysm to form the Juubi, which assumed the form of the largest and most mindlessly destructive youkai its instincts remembered: that of a dragon. Then it did all beasts do when not hungry or threatened: it went to sleep.

While the Juubi slept, the world recovered. There was less free youki now the ten-tails had formed so the plants, beasts and birds were no longer being constantly mutated and humanity could concentrate on recovering rather than merely surviving. Populations expanded, territories were explored and the changes the world had undergone were mapped out. In this time of rediscovery and challenge the first kekkai genkais emerged, blossoming from latent demonic bloodlines that had been nurtured by the high ambient youki of the past century and encouraged by the increased potency of their bearers' blood.

A kekkai genkai gave a person an advantage, so those clans grew swiftly and later banded together into the beginning of a nation that still stands today: Kage no Kuni.

As the earth recovered further and began to thrive again, what youki still remained was integrated into the planet's own energies, enhancing its power. This is where summons come from: animals born and bred for generations in areas rich in youki-enhanced natural chakra. It is also why plants and animals such as those found in the forest of death are still thriving: that training ground is one such a rich area, if only a minor one.

Then, many centuries later, explorers in the area that would later become the land of Wind stumbled across the Juubi and woke him up. On being rudely awakened it did as any beast would do and lashed out, obliterating the explorers and reducing a thriving mountain forest to a plain of rubble, ash and glass. Then it wandered off.

After a decade of aimless wandering and mindless destruction a monk from Kage no kuni, a man blessed by the gods and capable of sensing and manipulating natural energies, hunted down the beast, subdued it and bound it within himself, rescuing humanity from further losses. On containing the beast within himself its energies changed him, granting him the eye the beast itself had had: the dragon eye, which silly humans call the rinnegan. Within himself he also held the potential for hundreds of new bloodlines, as the Juubi was formed of a mishmash of many different demons, some of which had not bred with humans or did not have any descendents with enough demonic genetic material to trigger a noticeable change.

With the dragon eyes the Sage noticed the physical and mental energies that flow through human beings and was the first to attempt to manifest them outside his body as the Juubi itself did. Thus the Sage of six Paths is rightly called the father of modern ninjutsu. Genjutsu had existed previously as a kekkai genkai trait and fuuinjutsu had up until then been the only way to manifest chakra outside the body. By using handseals, symbols themselves taken from written fuuinjutsu, the Sage was able to develop a way for all people with sufficient demonic heritage to channel chakra and perform jutsu.

This is the end of the tale of the breaking and remaking of the world. Next time I'll tell you about the Sage of Six Paths and his descendents.

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"**Any questions, k****it?****"**

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A/N: This has been begging to break out for a while now: I dashed it off pretty quick. I echo Kyuubi: Any questions? There might be answers...**  
**


	5. History with Kyuubi: Second Lesson

**History with Kyuubi: Second Lesson**

"**Now kit, I know I agreed to tell you about the Sage of Six Paths and his spawn today, but unless you calm down and sit still I will be lecturing you on meditation!" ** the Kyuubi growled at the bouncing blond ball of enthusiasm rocketing around the antechamber to its cage. While silently slightly flattered that the brat trusted him enough to lower his many masks, the fox did not like it when Naruto got this excited; it made him dizzy.

Naruto immediately stopped and sat seiza in front of the doors of the cage, still vibrating with suppressed energy. Kyuubi glared hard at the wide blue eyes looking meekly up at him, then relented.

"**Better. Now attend to the tale of the Sage, his achievements and his frankly disappointing offspring…"**

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As I told you in your previous lesson, the Sage sealed within himself the Juubi and thus gained the rinnegan, the dragon eye. He also learnt to see many forms of energy and developed all the modern forms of ninjutsu through the manipulation of that energy, which he called chakra. He had many students and taught them all regardless of their personal talent, as he felt that freely sharing knowledge and enlightenment was the only way to preserve peace. He developed first basic ninjutsu, then elemental ninjutsu, then learnt to separate the mental and physical components of chakra and discovered the power of what he called Yin-Yang release, which is the manifestation of purely mental or purely physical energies. It was his Yin and Yang techniques that the Sage was later famous for, as they enabled him to create anything he could imagine through the application of willpower and chakra.

Thus the Sage created his five tools: the Banana Palm Fan, the Crimson Gourd, the Amber Purifying Pot, the Golden Canopy Rope and the Seven Star Sword. Each had unique properties and could only be wielded by the Sage himself as only he had enough chakra not to be drained instantly by them.

The Fan could generate a blast of any of the so-called five elements that the wielder wished it to. The Gourd could take a person's Kotodama hostage and then suck the entire soul in after it. The Pot could seal within it any being no matter how powerful. The Rope could draw out a person's Kotodama from within them and the Sword could sever a person's Kotodama so it could be imprisoned within the Gourd. The five items had other powers too, but only the ones I have just mentioned were usable by individuals without the dragon eye.

Now, all the power the Sage demonstrated and shared with his students meant that all the wandering clans in the region that would later be known as the Elemental Nations wanted him to marry into their families; human beings are remarkable acquisitive creatures considering the limited nature of their lifespans. Anyway, the Sage, in the interests of keeping the peace with the larger clans that approached him, married four women of different clans and had eleven children, four sons and seven daughters.

However the Juubi sealed within the Sage was aware of what its vessel was doing, and in its hatred it reached out to the Sage's body, tainting his seed with the thwarted dragon's rage, superiority and lust for power. Thus the eldest son of the Sage was born with eyes red with anger, greed and jealousy and the legacy of the tengu inherited from his mother's clan was both strengthened and blighted by the blood of the dragon. This man would later marry his mother's cousin and sire the Uchiwa clan, within whom the greed and jealousy of the dragon lies sleeping to this day, lying in wait for any opportunity to rise and consume those afflicted.

After his first son was born the Sage's wives birthed many daughters, all of whom had different gifts born from the many memories of the different demons from which the Juubi had formed. These daughters married into clans with similar gifts, strengthening the kekkai genkai and further empowering the clans. Then the Sage's youngest wife birthed him twin sons. Both boys had hair as red as blood and were given to ungovernable rages when angered, causing their clansmen to fear them for the fury of the dragon that ran strong within them, as strong as in any pre-cataclysm daiyoukai hanyou. However most of the time both boys were strong, brave and honourable, if gifted with a sense of humour only a kitsune could love, so they made as many allies as they did enemies. These boys were largely ignored by their father as he felt their berserker rages made them unsuited to leadership, so the twins made their own way in the world, choosing to specialise in the old arts of swordsmanship and sealing. They did not allow their father's reluctance to teach them get in the way of their ninjutsu education, preferring to experiment on their own and create their own techniques. When both boys married they left their father forever, founding their own clan which they named Uzumaki after the whirlpools off the coast of the island they eventually settled on.

After the twins the Sage had more daughters and his second wife gave him a son. This fourth and youngest son was everything his father had ever hoped for, holding within himself the Sage's belief in peace and the importance of love and caring. He was also the only one of the Sage's children to manifest a strong affinity for natural chakra. While a father should not have favourites among his children the Sage of Six Paths was still just a human and prone to human failings, so he could not help favouring the child who most resembled him. This boy would later become his father's successor and form the clan that would be called Senju for the multitude of talents and skills of those who belonged to it; the Senju were not a clan strictly by blood, but welcomed anyone keen to excel in their chosen field under their banner.

The last act of the Sage before dying was to destroy the Juubi, as his death would otherwise release it onto the world again. To achieve this he broke the moon and sealed the dragon's body within it, then formed its youki into nine lesser creatures, each successive one twice as powerful as the one before it. These creatures each assumed the form of the youkai whose memories were most dominant within it: the Ichibi became a tanuki, the Nibi a bakeneko, the Sanbi a giant tortoise, the Yonbi and ape, the Gobi a cross between a horse and a dolphin as those were present in equal amounts, the Rokubi a slug, as he was formed from the memories of many, many invertebrates, and the Nanabi became a beetle. The Hachibi was different to the others as it formed mostly from a single beast, a daiyoukai who had slept for centuries under the sea until the cataclysm. Thus the Hachibi had always been both the most aware and the most coherent of us, for it is the ushi-oni of old reborn. I was the last, Kyuubi who was formed of all the hundreds of kitsune that dwelled on the earth in hiding at the time of the cataclysm and many other lesser youkai besides.

After the death of the Sage the bijuu were freed to wander so wander we did, doing our best to stay out of the way of our creator's increasingly warlike offspring. That his descendents chose to form mercenary clans would have disappointed him greatly, particularly the violent enmity that thrived between the Uchiwa –who later became the Uchiha- and Senju. He would have been most surprised to learn that the Uzumaki, descendents of his most violent offspring, were in fact the least aggressive clan of the lot. If he had asked us, we could have told him that the lack of control incurred by demonic rage helped a being remember that they are not, in fact, in control of their lives and that control is only possible up to a point; the sense of humour the twins had that the Sage was so wary of was also a point in their favour, as most truly vicious beings take themselves far too seriously.

Here ends the tale of the Six Paths Sage and his offspring. Next time I will tell you about the founding of Konoha and the events leading up to my first sealing.

* * *

**"Which means, kit, that you'll be learning how much of your village's history has been covered up, forgotten and outright lost."**

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A/N: No, I'm not dead. Just... busy. Yeah, busy. Honest!


End file.
